You may remember about the daycare subsidy we’re hoping for…well, it looks like it’s going to work out, as far as the providers are concerned. The state is another matter. Despite my telling them how much money we make and submitting paystubs, they’ve managed to get it wrong??? They don’t even have M’s workplace right. I mean, wtf? Problem is, they have us down as making even less than we really do, so our subsidy will not be as much as I’d hoped. Plus, I have no idea how long it’s been wrong which means that if/when they figure it out and if/when they realize it’s been wrong, we might actually have to pay back some of the benefits we’ve received. HAHAHAHA. As if we can afford that.
You may ask…how do you not have enough money? Are you irresponsible? Did someone lose a job? What happened? (E’s daycare asked. So I’ve thought about it.) We aren’t irresponsible. We both work. Simply put, even with both of us working (M full time and me 3/5) we simply do not make enough money to pay for even basic life expenditures. And I mean basic. We don’t have a car payment because we drive a crappy 15 year old car that is, technically, totaled. We don’t go out. We don’t buy much except for necessities. We’re thrifty. Mainly, we spend money on housing, utilities, food and daycare. That’s about it. (And Netflix, but come on…saving $15/month isn’t going to help us any.)
(The only reason I know the state has our info wrong is because they require a review every 6 months or so to keep getting benefits. Ours came today. We have to verify stuff & send in paystubs. Good times.)
I’m just SO FRUSTRATED. What is wrong with us? What is wrong with a world in which doing everything “right” and trying your hardest doesn’t even get you food on the table or healthcare? (Laughably, we’re also losing our health insurance by summer because now we make too much to qualify.) I don’t know what to do. Every time I start to see a light at the end of the tunnel, turns out it’s false hope or wrong in some way. I keep thinking things will get better, trying to make them better but what if they never get better? Do I even have any right to expect things to be better/easier?
I want to be able to provide for my family. Me. Myself. And yet…I can’t. I literally can’t make ends meet.
I apologize for the rant. Some days it’s just all too much.
Today is one of those days.