eat! craft! live!

Baking, crafting, mama-ing and taking photos of it all. When I remember.

035: sad plant


My poor, poor work plant. It’s looking sadder by the day and I have no idea why. Maybe winter is getting to it.

You guys, I’ve just had it. I feel like I’m going to break. This morning after I dropped H and then E off at school, I got back in the car and it wouldn’t start. This, of course, left me a hysterical sobbing mess in my boss’s driveway. (She lives on the same street as E’s daycare – I sometimes park in her driveway.) Because seriously, I DO NOT NEED THIS IN MY LIFE. Luckily, after a few tries, it started, but holy shit. I have neither the time nor money to deal with something happening to our only car.

I’ve thought maybe I should see a therapist or something so I contacted the counseling center at work, because I was under the impression it was free for employees. Turns out it’s only for students, which left me a teary-eyed mess at my desk. So now I’m left with seeing nobody, or somehow finding someone on my own and, y’all, I just don’t even know how to do that. I was really hoping it could be on campus because it would be easy and I could go on work days. Otherwise, how the hell am I going to go? I don’t have anyone to watch the kids and I don’t want to spend all my work days driving to appointments. I did that a while back with my chiropractor and it sucked. I never got anything done at work. (Also, I only have insurance for the next few months so WHAT IS EVEN THE POINT.)

Then when I went to go running at lunch, like usual, I realized I forgot my sports bra. Cue sobbing mess again. I feel like normal people wouldn’t go into hysterics at the drop of a hat, y’know?

Sheesh. Sack up, self.

(Also, I apologize for being the most annoying blogger ever. Feel free to skip my posts because I am pathetic.)

9 thoughts on “035: sad plant

  1. You are NOT pathetic, you’re just going through a tough time. Does your work have an employee assistance program? A lot of employers do, and usually even if it’s not on campus, it’s close and you can go on work time. If not, maybe you can contact someone like Planned Parenthood and see if they can refer you to a free provider? It’s worth it to take the time to look into it – even if you only have insurance for a few more months, that’s a start. Sometimes you only need a few months – when I did therapy, it was only for about four months and it was worth every second. In fact, I can give you my person’s name and number if you want, she takes insurance and she might be able to do something on a sliding scale or pro bono afterwards, potentially. I know it seems hard, but even just taking that first step of talking to someone and having someone really listen and tell you that no, it’s not that you just need to sack up – it really does help. A lot of therapists do early morning or evening hours, so you could go on a work day and just drop the kids off early or pick them up a little later than usual when they’re already at day care. I know it seems impossible, but I’m sure there’s a way to make something work, even if it’s short term.

  2. I am not skipping your post and I don’t think you are pathetic.
    Just wanted to give you a *hug*. Please think about what Anne wrote. And please feel free to blog about what ever you want. We are a circle of friends and are here for eachother as we can be.

  3. Dude. You’re not pathetic. I’d be a sobbing mess too. In fact, I’m often a sobbing mess for things much more trivial. I wish there was something I could do to help, but this is a place you can vent. xoxo

  4. I am so sorry you are going through this. I have struggled with depression my entire life, and your posts are hitting so many chords and sound so familiar. I just did a little searching and found these websites; maybe it’s a good place to start?
    You are not alone; we are all holding you up. If you ever want to talk, respond to this or comment on one of my pics, and I’ll send you my email. I know we don’t really know each other, but I’ve been there with depression, and it can feel so overwhelming and isolating. I am happy to listen/read any time.

  5. GURL! so not pathetic. i think this little community is good for venting or finding support.

    i am truly so sorry all this shit is piling up. i completely understand how small things during rough times can cause breakdowns. so been there.

    i think both posts above have great advice. i know a lot of people go to therapy down here on sliding scales or through assistance of some kind so i have no doubt you’ll find something up there. and dude, i am ALL ABOUT THERAPY. i’ve been going to my most recent therapist for a year and a half now and we had this big moment a couple weeks ago and she was like, you’re probably going to fire me now, you don’t need me anymore and i had a 2 second panic and thought HELL NO. even when shit isn’t bad, therapy is so helpful. i hope you can find something soon.

    huge hugs from me.

  6. I don’t have much to add here, but just know I’m cheering you on from afar. I hope things turn the corner soon. Hugs.

  7. Oh, Laura, I really wish I could give you a hug. You are NOT pathetic. Not at all. I’ve been there with depression, and I really, really hope there’s some way for you to get to talk to somebody – therapy is so helpful, and I’ve got my fingers crossed that maybe one of the ideas Anne mentioned could work for you.

    I’d fall apart at those things you mentioned, too. It’s just so hard when everything little thing is a big deal like that – and when you’re struggling financially, it IS a huge deal for cars to act stupid or for therapy not to be free and easy or for anything to require just a little more effort and inconvenience than you expected, and it’s just so cognitively demanding to make everything work on so little that I’m not at all surprised that you feel like you’re breaking – I get that way too. It’s all just too much.

    We’re all here for you. ::hugs hugs hugs::

  8. L, there is nothing pathetic about you. You’ve got a lot of intense stuff to worry about right now; if life were a breeze, the smaller mishaps would be easier, but when it’s a thousand things piling on at once, one more is just too much. I think everyone has been there, all for different reasons maybe, but it’s still overwhelming all the same. Finding a therapist would be great, but I totally get your constraints–it is so hard to fit in one more thing, but you could always try, and if you find it’s not worth the effort, then give it up. And if it is worth it, then it’s worth it. We’re all here for you, in whatever small ways we can be, and I’m thinking of you and hoping that things get better, sooner rather than later.

  9. Echoing what everyone has already said – there are a few options (and I might know of some additional ones!) for counseling and it’s worth it. And I’ve been there, and done it, and occasionally find myself visiting the familiar downside and there are times when I need a little help getting myself up. You aren’t pathetic – and given all that you have going on right now you are a rock star in keeping it together as much as you have. I how things are brighter soon.

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